sjhshkhfgyf yes hello hi you may address me as your majesty

i do think about this sometimes. a while back i came to the conclusion that while i freaking love shipping jensen and misha in a romantic+sexual way, and dan and phil in a “yes please live together forever and be cute” way, i’m not particularly drawn to fantasises about them. (fantasies, as opposed to theories.)

that probably doesn’t make sense, given all my past metas about jensen and misha, some of which have since been proven wrong. personally i’d prefer to know the truth, i’d like to find out the truth, i’d like to believe theories that sound like they could be true. i like scientific csi-style metas based on visible evidence rather than circumstantial hearsay. i’d prefer to state obvious facts and observations in a way which eventually leads to a reasonable conclusion. but those conclusions are still fairly baseless until facts are confirmed one way or another.

i wrote a cockles fic once. i guess it was okay. i don’t think i’ll write a real person fic again. to me, rpf felt waaay different to fanfic about fictional characters. see, with regular fic i feel i have free rein to explore a new version of the characters, whereas rpf felt wildly out of character when i wrote it, either because i knew more about jensen and misha than i could get into the story, or because i felt i didn’t know enough about them to do their characters justice. it was kinda both at the same time. it just felt weird and i’m not sure why.

i don’t read fanfic at all any more, unless short ficlets show up on my dashboard and happen to draw me in. but that’s completely due to the fact i find it really hard to process anything that isn’t my own writing, non-fiction, or a printed book. (and even then it takes me months to read one book.)

but in case you were wondering, i’m completely in support of fanfic of any kind. real person fics are just not something i seek out. however, i do like tumblr posts that are all “what if x did y?? what if thEY BANGED” kind of thing?? wow hey that invalidates my entire response doesn’t it?

and in case you were asking my opinion on how i actually perceive dan and phil’s relationship since i’ve never talked about it: mostly i see shippy stuff regarding them on pinterest or in youtube comments, and i smile and thumbs-up the good ones, then forget about it almost immediately. mostly i just appreciate the fandom being so passionate about shipping them but ehhhh it’s more of a funny thing than me actually believing it??? their hearteyes are so utterly and completely different to jensen and misha’s. after ~18 months of watching their videos, and internally analysing their every movement (i can’t help it, it’s part of me), i cannot draw a conclusion that i don’t straight away begin to doubt. (what i mean is, if i ever try and interpret it as sexual or romantic, i come up with question marks. i can never ever doubt they have a friendship deeper than the distance from here to the centre of the earth and back out the other side. they are absolutely soul mates. they are the most soul-matey soul mates to ever exist.)

i think the special thing about cockles, in comparison, is that jensen is so. fucking. easy. to read. but dan and phil, on the other hand, have a bajillion mannerisms that all mean certain things but none of them are anywhere close to as obviously sexual and romantic as the way jensen looks at misha. not to say dan and phil feel any less love for each other, but it’s just not the same as jensen and misha at all.

so really, while i actively ship jensen and misha, for dan and phil i just… appreciate intently whatever it is they have.

“Grow up, you’re 22 and should know better.”

I did, I am, and I do. I made that post a year ago.

(sidenote, does anyone know how to close the tumblr inbox to anon messages? I used to know how to do it, but tumblr took the button away, I can only block people now and that doesn’t help me)

I made that post a year ago and I no longer think it is correct/accurate/factual in every sense. I stand by some things I said, but I agree it’s not necessarily the best idea to post sexuality speculation of real people online. however, a) I’m not a girl, b) I think you misunderstand what Bible preachers do and believe*, c) “bromance” wasn’t the point of the post, and “bromance” is not what that is, d) polyamory exists e) this post wasn’t about your real-life friends??? this was about Jensen and Misha????? some people are queer and affectionate but not everyone affectionate is queer???????????

[ * someone you followed must’ve reblogged that post, so in what way is that me hurling my interpretations at other people?? a year ago, all I did was respond to one anon. ]

I’m going to close my ask box to anons because I’m not going to respond to 50 of these. and no, I’m not deleting the post, because deleting problematic things is problematic in itself. making that post was something I did in the past and I’ve learned from the negativity I’ve received about it since, but I honestly don’t take too well to being called a fucked up little girl, or such things. please stop.

(post link so I don’t get a bunch of people asking what I’m talking about)

i needed a ridiculous way to express my disgust and this is that

image credits: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

please like/reblog if you use these as icons or something~

Anonymous said: NO WAIT this is the link: [http://defilerwyrm.tumblr.com/post/133483747526/dont-you-just-hate-it-when-you-post-from-the] SORRY i fucked up the link!!! i noticed as soon as i hit ask. apologies 

a different Anonymous said: sorry to rain on your parade, but Gishdrone is a fan. (just as dailykale is not misha). i’ve talked to them several times. but, of course you can go on tinhatting ;) it’s fun to imagine it’s jensen

aw, thank you, both of you. I’m not surprised if it’s a fan, but yeah, it is fun to imagine Jensen >u>

yeah, that’s me

I think I’ve just got to accept my fate as a garbage creature

itscasuallycruel:

My master plan to make Dan meow is to ask him to meow, so let’s see how it goes.

I just re-watched the video and read this post and YOU KNOW WHAT

I’M NOW CONVINCED IT WAS FULLY PLANNED AND DIRECTED BY EITHER ONE OR BOTH OF THEM. AWKWARDNESS INCLUDED.

AND THERE’S SYMBOLISM.

fasten your seatbelts, because I’m about to do some hardcore analysis.

for instance, take the kettle. granted, it was probably the only shiny thing Misha had in his trailer that was suitable for children to see - but it’s also a symbol of welcome and acceptance. Misha’s a big fan of green tea. hell, there’s boxes of tea visible on the bottom-right corner of the video. Misha handing Jensen a kettle is like “here, have something that means a lot to me”.

and that’s not even mentioning the whole domestic symbolism of a kettle. the heart of the home is a kitchen, right? Misha could’ve chosen a spatula or a frying pan or a toaster, but he picked up the thing he really connects with, emotionally. at VanCon Misha once said three things he couldn’t live without include: porn, running, and tea. the kettle makes hot water to make tea. the kettle represents things near and dear to Misha’s heart and he’s giving it to Jensen.

let’s put aside the fact that he calls it a teapot when it’s clearly a kettle.

now, I want to compare the first frame, the middle frames, and the last frame:

it begins with Misha being the centre of attention:

and honestly, the way it starts, kind of sounds as though he’s thanking people because he won. he pats his heart like it means a lot to him. (which it does, obviously, but if you didn’t know he was about to announce Jensen, you might assume it was all about Misha himself. that was precisely what I thought the first time I watched this.)

then Jensen comes in and there’s the hand-off. Misha doesn’t wanna let go of his kettle for a bit. he touches it a few times, grabbing and petting it. he wants to hold it while Jensen’s holding it. Misha and Jensen were both up for this award, they were pitted against each other. Misha won this award previously. he’s acting like he’s not quite ready to give it up.

this is all super subtle, so if someone is only watching because Misha and Jensen are in the same frame and making eyes at each other, then it’s easy to miss the bigger picture. it’s been over 6 hours since I first saw this and only now am I figuring out exactly how choreographed it is.

I feel it’s important to note that this was not a spur-of-the-moment “let’s just turn the camera on and see what happens” video. Misha and Jensen are both directors, and actors, and very aware of how they have to present themselves to their audience. (which of course makes it extra special that they’re making hearteyes at each other in this because THEY’RE DOING IT ON PURPOSE.

this is the spn mockumentary, part 2. they’re playing themselves but with a little mask over it.

Misha’s possessiveness of the kettle? acting. Jensen’s fluttery nervousness? acting. Misha yelling “HE’S THE MAN” and whacking Jensen’s arm? my guess is that that was ad-libbed. Jensen blinks a lot after that, trying to keep his place in the script. that’s him thinking very quickly after Misha caught him off-guard.

next comes the part where Misha is hovering and getting in Jensen’s way and stealing his thunder. again, not an accident. I agree with @casthegrumpy​ who said that Jensen wanted Misha to take up all the attention in the background because he’s shy.

Misha is absolutely stealing the show. I had to watch it three times before my eyes even moved from Misha to Jensen. despite Jensen taking up the space front-and-centre, Misha’s bold movements and the full focus of the camera make him the object of the video. if the video was completely about Jensen, then Misha would have left the shot when he handed over the kettle. at this point, this video is about Misha.

imagine for a moment that Jared was there instead of Misha. what would he do? I know exactly what he’d do. he’s stand right next to Jensen and look proud and tall and moose-like. he’d smile and nod along, and right at the end he’d say something like “thanks for all the support you’ve showed Jensen these past few months, guys, it means a lot to us both” and he’d be Jensen’s equal in every way. that’s just what they do when they’re in videos together, no matter who the video’s about. but with Misha? not so much.

Misha is putting himself in a position of rivalry and playful nudging. sure, he’s clearly really happy for Jensen, and I have no doubt that in real life he’s genuinely over the freaking moon that Jensen was the one who won. but his character in this video is the supportive-but-jealous boyfriend who wants the limelight. he’s mockumentary!Misha.

then Misha switches sides. he goes from stage right to stage left. that’s him backing down. that’s him taking a step back and letting Jensen take centre stage. but does he leave? does he stay quiet? oh no. very much no.

[distant sound of Misha playing percussion on the kitchen cabinets]

[slightly closer sound of Misha dragging a drum set out of his kitchen sink]

[very nearby sound of Misha switching on his megaphone and preparing to sing Peaches’ “two guys for every girl”]

Misha acts all awkward and defeated and so done with this whole thing but you just know he’s got the warm fuzzies inside, and he’s trying his best to stay in character and not look at Jensen. that easygoing smile from earlier is gone and he’s straight-faced now. no lines left to say. Misha’s body language says “don’t look at me”, so this is the part where Jensen’s actually allowed to shine.

now the video is about Jensen.

in all seriousness, well done to Jensen. he deserved that kettle.

now, the last frame. the video ends with Jensen in the same place Misha was standing at the start.

Misha’s self-character has been thoroughly usurped, and his place has been taken. but he’s still there. lingering. for support - because he’s the most loyal of partners when it really matters - and he’s waiting for his chance to shine again next year, at the next PCAs. (he’s also the angel on Jensen’s shoulder. just a bit.)

and, as soon as the camera was turned off, there’s a 100% chance Misha slapped Jensen’s butt.

[about this]

these are exactly the kind of family values I strive to fill my blog with. thank you, anon.

okay no I’M ACTUALLY DYING INSIDE

DUDES ALWAYS KNOW THEIR INSEAMS RIGHT? BECAUSE THAT’S HOW THEY SELL PANTS, THEY GO BY MEASUREMENT??? (unlike women’s clothes which go by wild sizing numericals which mean nothing)

SO IF HE WEARS JEANS THAT ARE THE RIGHT SIZE BUT THEN SUIT PANTS WHICH ARE TOO LONG THEN????? what does it meannnnnn

BUT LIKE. ON THE RARE OCCASION MR. COLLINS SHOWS UP IN A DAPPER SUIT-AND-TIE-COMBO INSTEAD OF A SWEATER VEST OR A WAISTCOAT OR A DORKY-ASS SWEATER, HE WEARS SOMETHING LITERALLY IDENTICAL TO JENSEN’S SUIT

RED ALERT RED ALERT MISHA BORROWS JENSEN’S SUITS

MISHA BORROWS JENSEN’S SUITS

sometimes Jensen and Misha can be found in the green room at conventions, or at family gatherings, or on the couches of friends, their bodies nestled against each other, not a space between them. it’s possible they cuddle up like that because they can and nobody stops them. they’re bold men; maybe they’re daring someone to notice their secret. but perhaps they do it simply because their physical closeness makes them both deeply, deeply happy, and they can’t imagine being any further apart. they share clothes and endless affection – some would say intimate affection – but they genuinely have no idea how obvious they’re being. anyone who spends thirty seconds with them knows. they just don’t talk about it. (well, except Jared, who teases them constantly.)