“You never see unicorns anymore,” Crawly grumbles, watching another collection of dusty donkeys trudge into town.
“Well, obviously not,” Aziraphale replies, rolling his eyes.
Crawly directs a frown at him.
“Obviously?” he repeats, eyebrows raised in a question.
“You were there, Crawly, you know perfectly well why not.”
Crawly blinks, which doesn’t happen very often.
“You’ve lost me.”
“The Ark?” Aziraphale tries, hoping to jog Crawly’s memory. “You remember, one of Noah’s ran off, they didn’t have time to find another before the rain started…”
Crawly frowns.
“What does that have to do with anything?”
Aziraphale peers at his face, looking for the trick, the joke, the setup. All he sees is honest confusion. It’s his turn to blink.
“Crawly,” he says, somewhere between disbelief and a rather unangelic delight, “you do know why he had two of everything, don’t you?”
Crawly shifts defensively in his seat.
“Assumed it was one of those daft instructions sent down from on high, you know, one Ark, two of each animal, three of each kind of fruit, whatever—”
Aziraphale starts to laugh. He can’t help himself. Crawly scowls at him and hunches his shoulders.
“What? What’s so funny, angel?”
Angel. Crawly called him that in Eden, before Aziraphale thought to give him his name. He doesn’t know why he’s doing it now. Perhaps it’s supposed to be an insult. It doesn’t really have a lot of bite to it, if so.
“You’ve really never— all right, all right, don’t look so cross, I’ll tell you, I’m just— surprised, that’s all.” Aziraphale takes a sip of the fermented beverage the humans in this village have invented. It’s got potential, he thinks. “It takes two of them to breed, Crawly. Male and female.”
Crawly stares at him so blankly that Aziraphale has to bite his lip against more laughter.
“Please tell me you’ve at least noticed the physiological differences between the sexes—”
“Yes, yes, I know about that,” Crawly interrupts. “And what they get up to with those bits. You mean they’re not just for leisure activities?”
“No, they’re rather fundamental to the whole reproduction thing, in fact. The, ah, recreational applications are just a side-effect.”
“What, really?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“But humans are always—”
“Well, that’s why there’s so many of them these days.”
Crawly looks absolutely dumbfounded by this revelation, and more than a little outraged.
“What about birds?” he demands. “They just lay eggs whenever they want to, don’t they?”
“I believe mating is still required beforehand.”
“What about fish?”
“I’m fairly certain that the same rule applies.”
Crawly stares into his clay cup, lips moving slightly as he tries to come to terms with this whole concept. His expression tilts suddenly into something that unexpectedly yanks on Aziraphale’s heartstrings.
“Oh,” he says quietly. “So no more unicorns, then.”
“No,” Aziraphale replies, no longer laughing.
“I’d have got it back for them, if I’d known,” Crawly mumbles.
Yes, Aziraphale thinks, surprised by his own certainty, you would have, wouldn’t you?
I had a dream that David Tennant read too many of those “David Tennant is UNRECOGNIZABLE in Amazon’s Good Omens!” clickbait articles and decided to audition to be the Doctor again while wearing his Crowley wig and sunglasses because he thought maybe they’d think he wasn’t David Tennant. For some reason they rolled with it and actually cast him as the 14th Doctor, who was finally ginger.
David Tennant at Dragon Con about a Good Omens deleted scene which will hopefully be on the DVD:
And also there was a bit during that where I did take off a dock jacket and threw it behind me and it landed on the prong of a railing as I walked down the street, which I was terribly pleased with. And yet - cutting room floor. So I’m hoping that would be on the DVD release. Because, frankly, I deserve it. :) (x)
From what I’ve read this scene indeed is on the DVD! :)
Pardon the terrible quality my computer hates me but yeah it is
listen I see your headcanons about Aziraphale loving sweets and cakes and pumpkin spice lattes with extra shots of syrup and what have you and that’s valid but consider:
Aziraphale takes his tea with no sugar
the two things that Crowley is specifically mentioned consuming in the book are angel cake and cocktails made from date palm liquor which, based on my extensive research, is basically the most appallingly sugary-sweet alcohol mankind has ever managed to produce
therefore I present the following counterpoint: Aziraphale does not have any particular fondness for sugary things (though he enjoys a bite of something sweet now and then), but Crowley has the world’s worst sweet tooth and tries (very very badly) to conceal this.
like, Crowley isn’t quite sure why, but he feels like he should be ordering coffee blacker than his soul
(which, like, he probably should stick to darker coffee because the lighter a coffee roast, the more caffeine it has and like, the poor thing’s got bad enough anxiety as it is, he doesn’t need to add high doses of caffeine to his system, but that’s neither here nor there)
but also like…. he Hates it, but insists on ordering it, because espresso strong enough to melt your intestines seems like the sort of thing the human Anthony J. Crowley would drink, so he gets it and he hates it and all he really wants is some double whip sugary caramel frappe Starbucks-y monstrosity that’s loaded with more sugar and dairy than your average milkshake and he’s staring sadly down at his ultra-concentrated cold brew cup of Bitterness™…
…only for Aziraphale to sigh and say “oh dear, this candy apple latte really seemed like the thing at the time, but it’s a great deal too sweet for me. You wouldn’t mind swapping, would you, dearest?” and hitting him with the big eyes like Crowley’d be doing him such a favor if they swapped drinks…
…and Crowley tries not to look too relieved, and gives a big put-upon sigh. “All right, angel, I guess I could take it off your hands”
and so Crowley gets his sugary-sweet disaster of a drink that barely even qualifies as coffee at this point because it’s more whipped cream than beverage, and Aziraphale hides his grin behind a calculated sip of the triple-concentrated espresso hell-drink
post-canon i really want crowley to let his sweet tooth flag fly and just make himself every kind of brownie that never seem to get stale and pour infinite sugar in his pale, milky coffee while aziraphale gags in the distance and still manages to be in love with him.
Pre-Fall Crowley(Aka Raphael, if you ask me), creating some stars. This is mainly done with acrylic inks, but the stars and the ehm, light beams(???) are done digitally because this will be a gold foil print!!
