So I’ve got this little universe in my head where this happens after he’s been God for a while, and he wakes up and the souls are gone but so is his grace, and he looks at his reflection and then digs around the house for loose change and gets on a bus. Even though his Grace is gone he’s still not quite human and there are still some not quite human things that he can do. One of those things is finding the Winchesters.
He doesn’t knock when he turns up at their hotel room, he just walks in and they jump up and draw weapons and shout but he ignores them and grabs some of Dean’s clothes and locks himself in the bathroom. He’s in there for over half an hour while Sam and Dean have an intense, hushed conversation and when he comes out of the bathroom he locates their stash of whiskey and settles in one of the chairs at their rickety little table and starts drinking straight from the bottle.
There’s silence for a little while before Dean takes a deep breath and Cas says, “Shut up.”
Dean gives him one of those looks, like a bird that’s ruffling its feathers, and says, “The souls-“
“Gone,” says Cas. He takes another drink, and there’s more silence, and finally he kicks out the other chair from under the table and says, “Are you two going to drink or what?”
Dean and Sam share a look that’s starting to turn into a lot of things that aren’t fear, like worry and amusement and indignation and irritation. “Cas,” says Sam, “you’ve been trying to kill us for months.”
Castiel swallows more burning alcohol before looking up at Sam with something that’s a little bit challenge and a little bit resignation. “Yeah.” Another silence stretches, and he can tell that one of the brothers is about to say something again so he cuts them off. “Yeah, I have. And I suppose you want an apology. Well too bad. So do I. And we can have this conversation forever, can’t we? Because I lied to you and you didn’t trust me and I betrayed you but I saved you and you held me to higher standards and those standards were impossible and unfair and I saved the world and I hurt you and you hunted me. And we can go in circles and zig zags forever, constantly barreling toward one another and never quite touching. We can do that.”
And Dean swallows and Sam looks down and Castiel breathes out through his nose and all the anger and the fight goes out too and he closes his eyes for a moment and feels his heart beating.
“Does it really matter?” he asks quietly. “The world is here. There are children playing in parks right across the face of the planet because of all the terrible things we’ve done to one another, so could you just sit down? And I’ll pretend that the drink you’re having means you’re sorry and you can pretend that the drink I’m having means I’m sorry and we can move forward. Can we just do that? Do you really need to have those two stupid words?”
Sam nods and sits, and Dean swallows again, and just before he goes to get glasses Sam hears him whisper, “I was hoping for three words you feathery fuck.”
There are actual tears on my face