whoa there buddy there’s no need to apologise?? it’s a legit question

i dunno which post you’re referring to, but i do recall saying something about this semi-recently

it’s not that i completely dislike the jealousy trope as a romantic thing, i.e. “i secretly love you and therefore i feel bad when i see you with someone else”

but it’s more that i see jealousy as a purely toxic emotion, and it tends to go hand-in-hand with tropes like “you have photos of your ex on your phone, WHY” and “wait, you still have feelings for them? even though you say you love me? YOU MUST BE LYING”, or “you’re not allowed to express how you find anyone else cute, ever”, or “you’re not allowed to go to dinner with anyone except me”, or “he looks at you funny, don’t encourage him”

and that’s really no way to express trust with a partner or a friend. (plus, polyamory needs to be a more accepted thing. people can love more than one person at once - but cheating is never necessary if the feelings are handled as a group.)

i’ve basically never, ever seen jealous emotions handled in a healthy way in fiction (at least in stuff i’ve watched/read). i’m imagining the only healthy thing to do would be to think “note to self: my partner is a wonderful person full of love, and has every right to share that goodness with others. the fact i feel jealous about it, rather than appreciating the fact my partner loves others, does not prove that they love me any less.” and then tell the partner “i feel jealous when you do x with y, could we find a way to work together and help me feel better about this situation?” (all this, as opposed to a) not talking about it, b) pushing the feeling down, c) sabotaging another relationship, or manipulating a partner into changing it, or d) cheating on a partner. toxic shit like that needs careful attention and healing, not ignoring.)

and i’m not even talking romantic or sexual - this goes for platonic friends and families too, and maybe even like… pets who hang out at the neighbour’s house a lot. (obviously in that case, the communication would have to happen between you and the neighbour, not the wayward kittycat.)

jealousy is more about the jealous individual feeling under-loved, than the actions of the other party, really. (excluding cheating partners, i mean. that’s a bad deed on them, and they should’ve talked about their feelings, dammit)

all this said, i do enjoy the fanfic trope where one person is pining after another, who is in a relationship with someone else. but that’s more the sad, achy, quiet sort of jealousy with longing looks and heavy sighs, not the “i will destroy the goodness in your life if i can’t have what i want” sort

~ healthy relationships require healthy C O M M U N I C A T I O N ~ <3

i hope this answered your question!!

(about this)

Anonymous said: They get the tape for the tape balls from their marks, like where they’re supposed to stand in a scene they put tape down

Anonymous said: the tape from the spn tapeball is what they use for the actor’s marks on the floor, ie where they need to stand in the scene and each actor has a different color of tape :)

Anonymous said: the tape ball is made with the tape they use for their marks, ya kno where they gotta stand in each scene and all :)

Anonymous said: Hey! The spn tape ball is all the little pieces of tape the use for markers for the actors during the show rolled up into one ball! Hope that curbs your curiosity :)

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see, that’s exactly what I imagined

but I decided “nahhhhhhhh… that can’t be right”

beCAUSE IF IT’S BEEN ON THE FLOOR WHY THE HELL WOULD ANYONE PUT IT IN THEIR MOUTH

MISHA WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

dear god his immune system must be made of concrete or something

(about this)

done!!!! it’s tagged “Cockles starter kit” now.

awwww <3 <3 anon you’re so sweet ;u;

YES INDEED I DO.

my tag #cockles masterpost current has two posts with a ton of links to significant cockles things. one by @puppycastiel for january/february 2016 (there was a cockles EXPLOSION) and one by [previously] @deanlovesdudes with EVERYTHING including convention links and fanfics (but only up to 2015). i’m sure there’s more recent starter kits in existence, but those are the ones i’ve seen. (if anyone has newer ones, please let me know, i want them)

other relevant tags on my blog:

• #cockles meta
• #favourite cockles
• #cockles vs other
• #destiel vs cockles
• and i guess #canon cockles
• #shipper!jared
• #jensen unnecessarily touching misha
• #misha unnecessarily touching jensen
• #convention photos
• #fan stories / #convention stories (mostly cockles, some not)
• #my cockles meta (but there’s some problematic things i am Highly Ashamed Of in there, and i would rather not be reblogged - please be wary.)
• there’s some non-cockles things in this tag but maybe check out #body language as well
  
• and one of my favourites: #jensen control your dick

(add /chrono to the end of the url if you want to go through them oldest to newest.)

AAAAHHHH THANK YOUUUUU I really really REALLY appreciate this!!! like… A LOT. THANK YOU ♥♥♥

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fic link: the Destiel dog fic Stumble and Fall !!!!

YOOOO you mean this gif??? AAH THANK YOU!!! ouo

in terms of drawing I’m still learning, and I find it much tougher to illustrate than to write, but I do enjoy what I make. my biggest challenge is being consistent between drawings. I haven’t nailed my art style yet, but I hope to get there someday. I appreciate your encouragement SO MUCH ;u;

(!!!!! excessive exclamation points of excitement are welcomed !!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

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my art // my Destiel fics

“cw” = “content warning” (e.g. “abuse cw” or “blood cw” for a potentially triggering post. i use this format for most warnings.)

“ts” = an outdated warning that predates xkit’s blacklisting feature, it stood for “tumblr saviour”. i don’t often use it, but i keep the same tags i’ve always used (e.g. “John Winchester for ts”)

i know there’s now more efficient ways of helping people blacklist stuff, but (as far as i remember) exactly zero people have ever asked me to change how i tag things, or requested an extra warning tag, so i think i can safely assume that if anyone wanted something off their dash, they’re already blocking those tags.

(below: me analysing my ao3 stats, then explaining them, and emoting about it)

this whole year has actually been really weird in terms of feedback. in 2013/2014/2015 everything was peaking - i guess the destiel fandom had its heyday back then. and that was the tippy-top of my feedback.

ao3′s stat page tells me that on works published in those years, i got 20,000 kudos in 2013, almost 25,000 in 2014, and 19,700 in 2015. in 2016 i was too sick to write for most of the year, and only posted 5 fics all year, so the total of 4,200 kudos makes sense in comparison.

but then in 2017 i’ve been posting once a month, with (in my opinion) some massive improvements in terms of my writing skill, particularly seen in The Wireless and Marshmalloween. i’ve posted 11 fics this year, and they’ve been getting progressively fewer kudos and comments, on average. the most recent of my fics to break the 1,000 kudo mark was Welcome All Winchesters which i posted A FULL YEAR ago. i can’t say everything i’ve posted this year has the same draw for a broad number of readers as before, but the total number of kudos on fics i’ve posted this year is 4,600. (and about 500 of those were on Our Garden Home, on chapters i posted in 2015.)

so in 2017, despite more than doubling my output from 2016, feedback is the same. which technically means it’s half as lucrative, i guess.

i can understand that the destiel fandom is likely ailing, and perhaps i’m not writing stuff that appeals to the masses like i previously did. but if anyone’s ever been in a position where you made something beautiful that you’re proud of, and someone else loved it, and loved it, and loved it, but then apparently stopped loving it and never came back, you can maybe imagine how i’ve been feeling all year.

suffice to say, i am in NO WAY ungrateful for the utter magnitude of reader response. i KNOW this is way, way, w a y, more kudos than most people in fandom ever get on their work, even over a lifetime. i’m not saying that 100 kudos on a new work isn’t a lot, i’m saying that after being treated to 1,000 kudos on every new work, something doesn’t seem right. something’s changed for the worse, and every day i’m wondering what it is, and how i can fix it. the lack of constructive criticism makes that almost impossible. so i just keep making things and hoping it fixes itself, only for it to get worse.

storytime!! in 2014 i was invited to destielcon, and was up on a panel to talk about something or other, and there were probably 50 people in the room. i casually mentioned my fic Of Shampoo and Fruit Flies, and everyone in the room raised their hands when i asked who had read it. until that second, i had absolutely no idea that the response i was getting wasn’t normal.

three years later i still don’t know how to process it, i still have trouble imagining each little kudo-heart as a person. 100 kudos is twice the amount of destiel shippers i’ve ever met in my entire life. imagining that as a physical crowd? it’s a lot.

the sheer magnitude of my reader response has allowed me to build a brand, and a very modest career from it (so modest it’s unsustainable, in fact). (patreon.com/almaasi if you wanna help me reach my goals). i am SO GRATEFUL for everyone getting me here. i just don’t want it to end here, you know???

aside from that……… anon, i totally and completely understand a lack of energy. you take as long as you need to compose a response - and if you never get to it, i understand that too. i love that you want to, and i love that you keep your intentions afloat even when your energy levels get the best of you <3 thank you for leaving kudos, i appreciate it VERY MUCH.

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all of my Destiel fics

(please check out the newest ones!!! apparently people aren’t getting email notifications)

:D for some reason that really amuses me

it was undoubtedly domestic fluff

what if I put in the ao3 tags “hello this is the writer of Try-Something Tuesday and that one chicken fic please read this too”

i promise there is no pastime i enjoy on earth more than writing fics, editing them with my friends, then posting them. and i do not want to stop.

i am in no way ungrateful for the support i still currently get. between all of my (now 73) stories, i get between 30 and 50 kudos per day. but the new stuff currently gets 3 to 7 new kudos a day if i’m lucky. so it’s not like nobody’s reading my stories, just comparatively few people are reading the new ones.

but the (very, very rapid) decline in readership for my new fics is very much a source of anti-joy for me.

i love every. single. part of the process, even the hard parts of writing. but the moment i post a fic i worked my butt off to make, and nobody cares, it crushes my soul into tiny little pieces

and it takes me days/weeks to recover emotionally and remind myself that responses are not the sole reason why i write. but it does start to feel a little pointless when me and my betas are the only ones reading the new stuff.

today is the first time i considered maybe it’s because ao3 is not sending out emails. that would explain a lot. perhaps the new tumblr algorithm has something to do with it too. but until now i thought it was any of these reasons:

• people don’t ship destiel any more / don’t watch the show
  
• my fics are too long (33k?? i thought that was average)
• nobody wants AUs any more
• not fluffy enough
• too fluffy
• badly summarised? (i.e. not clickbait)
• people are saving the stories for a "bad day” and they’re off having good days (i’d be okay with that)
• my cast is too diverse (this hurt my heart the most)
• i’m posting on fridays/saturdays (because wednesdays/thursdays also had this problem. idk what day is best)
• i’ve developed as a writer but my audience has not developed the same way (the novel-like stories with diverse characters, plot, and depth have always performed the worst among my readers)
• i haven’t written smut for a while
• i rarely post in chapters

frankly it could be any of these things, but if it’s just a case of AO3 NOT DOING ITS JOB then …phew

now i gotta find a better way of sending notifications out >:|

(fic links: all the new stuff at the top)

✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:* (◕ヮ◕✿) *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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fic link: Angelhawke (407k epic Dean/Cas fantasy romance)

i actually responded to that in the tags here :D

#spiders cw #like… i’m not a fan of spiders but i kind of get the appeal #…ft. Cas as a Hagrid/Fudge combo

(referring to how hagrid in ‘harry potter’ likes spiders, and fudge (the minister for magic) goes around with a lime-green bowler hat)

i could see this as part of a weird harry potter crossover where cas is trying to blend in as a muggle and… while not failing, just coming across real dorky

oh my gosh!! thank you. thank you for acknowledging the effort i put into my stories. ‘cause it’s like……. everything i have. and it always feels amazing, and personally grounding, to be reminded that my efforts are appreciated by people other than myself <3

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*smol whisper* my newest fic, and probably the best yet: The Wireless

my other 70 Destiel fics

my patreon !!!!!!!!!!! (please help me buy food, i don’t want to live off government benefits forever)