So this is going to be long and rambly and I apologize in advance. I’ve talked weeks ago about how Dean and Cas don’t use the same language to talk about their love for each other in this post and there’s also this great post not by me about how Dean and Cas still have to find a relationship dynamic that makes both of them feel good (because neither family or friend have been able to keep them both satisfied and close together, something they both want).
And I was thinking… while we as a fandom have been (rightly so) completely freaking out and being happy about the “I need you” in 08x17, I feel as if the show has been trying to portray this particular kind of sentence as extremely negative in the last few episodes. Granted, this has been going on for longer than that, but this season with Sam “needing” Jack it has reached a new height.
The obvious but surface-level reading (which Dean has right now) says that Sam is just using Jack for his powers to get Mary back. And while that does factor in and yes, Sam really is hopeful that Jack could help, this is by no means the only reason he cares for Jack. We know that because we’ve seen the conversations between Jack and Sam: we’ve seen him spell out other motivations and we’ve seen him being kind and caring to Jack in the last episodes. It’s not just about needing him, it never was and it never will be.
But, here’s the thing, saying you need someone is safe. Which is why Sam chooses to use it multiple times when he talks to Dean.
Can you imagine Sam just opening up and telling Dean “yeah I want to help Jack because I see myself in him and I desperately want to prove myself that you are not inherently evil because of your powers and I also just can’t see him suffer the way I used to”? (Though I hope it does get said some time in the future.)
“I need him” is a cop-out because it’s true enough that you can say it convincingly but it doesn’t hold the emotional weight that others could use to mainpuate or hurt you.
But it’s also the wrong thing to do because it leads to misunderstandings all around: first of all there’s Dean who can’t see past the lie and resents Sam for just working with Jack for - in his opinion - stupid motives. But more importantly there’s also Jack, the one who’s “needed”, who eaves-dropped on the conversation and now probably thinks that everything else Sam has said to him before was a lie to make him cooperate.
And
that brings us finally back to Destiel because the same thing
happened to Dean and Cas: Cas is still convinced that Dean only NEEDS
him for specific purposes because that’s all that Dean ever told
him. Even
after Cas told Dean that he loves him, one of Dean’s arguments when
he was missing for a few episodes was “You weren’t there when we
had a shot at Dagon!”.
Now
we, the audience, know that this isn’t true, that Dean doesn’t
just
need him to be a good tool, he cares a lot about him. But “I need
you” just doesn’t
cut in anymore and the last episodes have made that abundantly clear.
If
you lean back in your seat and sigh “Jesus, Sam, don’t say you
need him to bring Mary back, HE’S NEVER GOING TO UNDERSTAND THIS”
then you can probably see what I mean by that; we are supposed
to do that because it’s framed as bad and not even close to explain
all of Sam’s intentions. It’s missing half the picture and this
half could be used to paint a way more harmonious picture, one where
people know they care about each other equally (but then, that
wouldn’t be Supernatural, would it).
But
what I want to say in conclusion: when Cas comes back, Dean saying “I
need you” just won’t cut in anymore. It’s not a good sentence,
it leads to misunderstandings from all sides (Dean thinking Sam only
needs Jack as a tool can also be the other way round: Sam not getting
how much Cas truly
means to Dean because he never expressed it) and it doesn’t solve
anything.
It
was a good sentence 5 seasons ago but now it’s time to move on. The
question is what will Dean say instead?
Sam is at the table in the kitchen, finishing his coffee and
picking at the last of his just-the-wrong-side-of-crispy bacon, when Dean comes
bounding into the kitchen. And he is bounding,
that’s the only word for it, except perhaps skipping
or – Sam would never say it out loud because it would absolutely guarantee An
All Original Dean Winchester Ass-Kicking™
– but Dean’s basically prancing.
“Mornin,’ Sammy,” he says, flashing a wide, toothy grin and making
a beeline for the coffeemaker. He’s just wearing his nasty-ass robe and there
are honest to god slippers on his
feet.
Sam stares at him. He frowns, looks over his shoulder in the
general direction of the front door, then back to Dean again. “Did you go out
last night?”
Dean frowns at him, starting to pour out his cup. “No? Why?”
“Uh, because,” Sam says. “You’ve got your I Just Got Lucky
face on.”
Then something completely unexpected happens. Dean blanches.
Sam’s confusion is only growing; this is not at all the
reaction he’s used to. Normally Dean can’t wait to divulge the gory details,
just to try and make him squirm. “What’s wrong with you?”
“I don’t – what are you talking
about,” he sputters, his eyes wide and rather hunted. “This is, this is my, my normal face.”
“C’mon man. We’ve been living in each other’s pockets for a
couple decades here. I know that face.” Sam starts looking at him, really
looking, and then yep: there’s the shadow of a hickey, just peeking out from
the collar of his t-shirt.
Sam’s about to needle him about it when Cas comes into the
kitchen. “Good morning,” he says.
“Hey, morning Cas,” Sam says briefly, then looks back at
Dean. He’s intent on resuming his interrogation, but then he stops.
Dean’s looking at Cas with panicked eyes, and his face shifts
from white to red so fast it doesn’t even bother stopping at pink.
“What…” Sam starts, then he looks back at Cas, frowning.
Everything seems fine; he looks normal.
But then Sam notices that his tie is on backwards.
Did you know that you can just….imagine a cat. like right now you can make an an entire cat inside your head and look at it. a cat. your own cat to look at right there in your mind anytime you want.
Advanced technique,,you can make the cat do things. A whole cat in your head right now playing with a bit of string. the power is yours.
Dean wishes he could look you in the eye and say, “No, I’m not in love with my best friend,” but unfortunately, his Mama raised him right and that would be acting against his conscience. Of course, he’s not about to tell the world about his feelings either, so instead he settles for something in-between, namely pretending like everything is fine.
A strategy that’s sort of failing him right now.
‘I can do this,’ he thinks to himself as he sets down his duffel on the coffee table. He reaches for the badge that’s clipped to his belt, runs his fingers over its face to provide a reminder. ‘I’m a professional. I’m a professional.’
“Dean,” comes a voice from the doorway, followed by footsteps muffled by the carpet. “Let’s get the equipment set up first. Captain wants an update within the hour.”
“Sounds good to me,” Dean says a little too upbeat, mostly in an ironic attempt to sound normal. God, it’s been five minutes and he’s already screwing up. He has no idea how he’ll last four days. “So, we’ve got, um, binoculars, night vision goggles- Hey, d’you have the computer? I don’t see it in here.”
“Yup,” Cas lifts his bag, arm flexing in all kinds of stupid hot ways. Dean clears his throat and has to look away, focus his attention on their gear instead.
“How should we do this?” he asks eventually, unfolding a tripod to place by the window. “Maybe both of us on watch till nine o’clock, then take turns for eight-hour shifts?”
“Works for me,” Cas fetches the camera and walks around the sofa to stand beside Dean. The clean, subtle scent of his aftershave makes Dean want to bury his face in his neck.
Exactly the opposite of professional.
“You ever done a stakeout this long?” Dean asks, taking the camera from Cas to secure on the tripod. He and Cas have been partners for almost three years, their longest stakeouts twelve hours at the most.
“Yeah, six days at my old precinct.” Cas laughs at the memory. “We were ready to chew each other’s head off by the end of it, but then the circumstances weren’t as pleasant.” He waves at their general surroundings and Dean grins, nudging Cas’ shoulder.
“It wasn’t a boutique hotel like this one?”
“No, it was a condemned hotel, actually.” Cas smiles and opens the laptop, booting it up and watching the screen. “But I also meant the company,” he adds more quietly. “The company is better this time.”
