livebloggingmydescentintomadness:

Okay, I’ve deleted the post about the Cockles bridal op, and since the photo was under a read more then it’s probably not accessible anymore.

I would just like to make it clear that I never intended for any of this to happen. I made a post about the op I witnessed in a fit of excitement, and while I was at the convention that post blew up and it wasn’t until I got home hours later that I found out that “the bridal photo” had become a thing and that everyone was desperately trying to find it. There were even some people saying I had lied because it hadn’t turned up.

I took a picture of the photo when I found it in the photo op room, and yeah, at the time I knew that it wasn’t 100% ethical but I was in a state where I just couldn’t stand to not get a snapshot in case it disappeared forever. I did not intend to post it, certainly not without giving the owner quite a fair chance at posting it herself, but then everything just kind of… snowballed.

I showed it to one friend so we could yell about it, and then when I got home I found out about the frenzy that had developed without me realizing. There were people in my inbox and chat box pleading to see the photo, saying that they’d had an awful day and it would make them so happy, that they couldn’t go to sleep without seeing it, so I showed it to them privately, partly because I wanted to make people happy and share my excitement, and partly because I felt somehow responsible for starting the whole thing, as if it was my fault that so many people were in such a state over the situation. I really, really wanted the photo owner to post it so it could all just be over with and I wouldn’t have to feel so completely torn between making people happy and respecting the fact that I didn’t have permission to share it.

A few people became a lot of people, and I want to make it clear that I’m not unhappy with or blaming any of them, because everyone was so polite in asking, so many swore they would never post it, and they all were so happy and excited and grateful about seeing this really damn cute Cockles moment. If the roles were reversed, I probably would have been asking to see it too. I stayed up hours and hours sharing it privately and talking to people, and of course it ended up leaking despite me telling no one to post it and people promising. Others worked to ask those people take it down, and I really appreciate that effort.

Eventually, I thought that the best option would be to make a post explaining the entire situation and making everything clear so that, since the photo had already leaked, at least this way people would be able to view it with that statement attached instead of reposting it themselves. Now, I suppose that was the wrong decision, and I regret it. I probably should have just not given in to people asking to see it, even though a lot of people have thanked and supported me and said they respect the way I handled things. A lot of others got very upset, so I guess I just made everything worse. 

The only thing that honestly angers and hurts me are the claims that I “created drama” or that I did all this for “internet points”. My only motive was wanting to share my excitement and make other people happy, and I worked hard to try to do that without posting or leaking the photo. I feel guilty that I somehow created this expectation to see the photo, and I hate that all of this has somehow centered on me. Trust me, I don’t want all this attention or responsibility. I don’t want it on me to choose between making people happy and doing the right thing. I’ve been dead exhausted in the wake of the con and cried a few times over all this because I haven’t known what to do and I’ve felt like some people have been unnecessarily harsh, not that I want to ‘play the victim’ like others have accused.

I’m sorry all this happened. For whatever I did wrong, I’m sorry. I would have acted differently if I’d ever imagined this series of events unfolding. I’m sorry for posting something that isn’t mine, and I’m sorry for potentially violating the wishes of the photo’s owner, and I’m sorry for, if she does post it, unintentionally stealing some of her thunder. But whatever I did wrong, I did only out of love of Jensen and Misha and for sharing my happiness with others. That’s it.

  1. kiss-my-impala-goodbye-blog reblogged this from livebloggingmydescentintomadness and added:
    You did nothing wrong.. The fandom attacked you and you did what anybody would do and tried to make it better.. 💜💜
  2. gbkoda reblogged this from livebloggingmydescentintomadness
  3. loveindirtytrenchcoats reblogged this from livebloggingmydescentintomadness
  4. livebloggingmydescentintomadness reblogged this from livebloggingmydescentintomadness
  5. demonwolfgurl reblogged this from livebloggingmydescentintomadness and added:
    I appreciate the way you handled it Ashley! X I am the one who took the photo op this past weekend at Houscon and as...